Transcript: Ham 03/22/98

[Karri Hummel]

TRANSCRIPT OF:	Teacher Ham
Date of Transcript:	March 22, 1998
Sent by:		David Schundt
Group	:		Nashville, TN
Date Rc’d:		April 12, 1998


Ham    03/22/98


Ham:
Greetings, children, friends, I am Ham and I thank you all and each
for coming here tonight.  This lesson is about listening and
absorbing what another communicates to you.

You all have a filtering mechanism that categorizes everything you
read, or are told in terms of what you already have read or been
told.  If, for example, someone says "I love you" and then betrays
that love in whatever manner, every time you hear "I love you" this
is categorized in a way that says be careful, there might be
something behind it.  You have all been betrayed or hurt or double
crossed in various ways, and it is difficult to not bring that to
your new experience and to not hear things clearly and to not cloud
your comprehension and react to the new person the way you would
react to the old person who said the same thing.

So, how do you wipe the slate clean and come to each new encounter
with freshness and openness and without bitterness or a distrustful
attitude?  Once again, the answer lies within and especially with
self-forgiveness.  Everyone who is betrayed blames themselves in
some manner.  Everyone has old feelings of low self-worth that is an
integral part of self-condemnation for circumstances that are not
your fault.  Part of you says, "this time, this is not going to
happen to me", but that old self-condemnation is still there and
still attracting negativity unconsciously.

Last week we talked about resentment and letting go of resentments
toward others and toward yourself and, again, I say that these
feelings of inner self-resentment and low-self worth are very deep
and stem from earliest childhood.  When very young children
experience a betrayal of love, this is always carried through into
adulthood and that betrayal is expected and repeated over and over
again.  The child feels unworthy of stable love and the entire
universe seems undependable and so fears and resentments build up
inside and the adult becomes cynical and always has the attitude
that nothing is what is seems.
Again tonight, we will take a journey.  I want you each to think
back in your childhood, let the memories come. When was the first
time that you felt betrayed.  Take a few moments and think.  Some of
you have very strong memories.  Now, when you have centered on a
memory, see yourself as a child and say to your child self with
sincerity, "I forgive you, this isn't your fault".

Feel again the child's confusion and again take it into your heart
that this isn't your fault, that you were a good child, that you
were full of love, and now feel the child be comforted, feel the
comfort.  Now bring the child into your body, merging with the
child, the child is growing up, the child is older now, there are
other conflicts, situations, that have grown out of that earlier
experience.  Forgive yourself for each one, as you are growing up,
getting older.  All those experiences where you were hurt or hurt
others, forgive yourself, let it go, keep moving on.  Now you are in
the present time, feel a new forgiveness coming into your heart,
forgiving yourself for all the confusion and self-doubt and low
self-worth that is in your life right now.  In your minds eye, see a
pane of glass and this glass is representing your filtering
mechanism.  Picture yourself cleaning the glass so that all the old
soot and dirt and finger prints are being cleaned away.  Now when
you look through the glass, you are not seeing yourself reflected
back.  Now when you look through the glass, you see your brother,
your sister, you see them clearly.  The old suspicions, and doubts
are falling away and you are seeing each person for who they are
right now and you are receiving what that person is telling you
without distortion.

So much of the pain in your lives is about betrayals that never
happened.  So many of the wrong steps are from fear, fear that
another person has some ulterior motive and so you are making
counter moves to something that hasn't happened yet.  Now, each time
when you are looking at a situation or a person, think to yourself,
is my glass clear?  Am I seeing myself, am I seeing my past, or am I
perceiving this clearly?  Though you may never know the complete
answer to these questions, it is the asking of it that is important.
 Are there any questions at this time?

Q:
We need to rid of self-condemnation and rid ourselves of the
expectations that others are going to hurt us and harm us and then
we can hear and listen clearly?

Ham:
I would say the importance is on forgiveness, self-forgiveness, and
when you have truly become self-forgiving, and self-aware, you can
begin to perceive others in circumstances as they really are without
projecting your own unfortunate experiences of the past onto new
experiences.

Q:
Why is it until we are free of this that we seem to require that
this happen to us again an again.  It must be something more than it
is just familiar?

Ham:
Yes, much of life is about forgiveness, learning the lessons of
forgiveness, because these lessons are crucial and essential to
spiritual growth and becoming.

Q:
Are you saying that there is an unconscious need to keep doing this
until we get it right?

Ham:
Yes.  The thought adjuster will unfailingly bring you to confront
experiences which holds lessons of forgiveness and self-forgiveness.

Q:
How would you explain the child's tendency to make the mistake of
blaming itself for betrayals, is it somehow related to a child's
magical thinking that they are God-like.

Ham:
The center of the universe, Yes.

Q:
Does that change when the though adjuster arrives.  Do some of these
memories happen before the thought adjuster arrives.  Does that have
an effect?

Ham:
No, the thought adjuster's arrival does not change the child's
initial ego development as center cause and effect of all things.

Q:
I know I have a primal betrayal early on, but I can't see it.

Q:
I was having trouble finding one, too.

Q:
>From my symptomatic behavior I know I must have one, can you help me
with that?

Ham:
No, that you are aware of something happening, some first tare in
the fabric of the child thinking of itself as God.  These things are
not necessarily earth shaking.  Not even though of as betrayals to
an adult or to the adults involved or to yourselves a adults. 
Usually simple things, "mommy you said we were going to the park and
now we are not going, how could this happen"?

Q:
That will help a little bit.

Q:
We hear so much about repressing memories, and if there has been a
painful memory that is repressed maybe a technique for accessing
that?

Ham:
These memories will come up when you are ready to handle them.  I
don't advocate aggressively seeking out painful memories.  Just let
them come and when they do and when you are ready.  Trust the
thought adjuster to help you with these things.  He ultimately has
control over your memories and will allow you to experience memories
when he is fully satisfied that you are ready to experience them.

Q:
Since I have just returned to the area, do you see a purpose to
this?

Ham:
Certainly, son, there is always a purpose for all things.  his
purpose isn't always immediately obvious, however, and human beings
tend to be disappointed when the real purpose doesn't coincide with
their own purposes.  Therefore, keep in mind that all of your
experience, everything good and bad, has had a deep and lasting
influence and therefore a purpose.  What you are seeking, you will
find. Therefore, seek after the highest things.  Is this helping?

Q:
Most definitely.

Q:
It seems like this is automatic, almost guaranteed that a child will
end up feeling mistreated.  What is the reason it is this way?  Are
we subjected injustice to learn justice, unfairness to learn
fairness, unkindness to learn kindness?

Ham:
Yes, certainly.

Q: You once said that all of my life up to now had been in
accordance with the Father's will.  Could that be said about anybody
or everybody?

Ham:
For the ultimate questions, the answer is yes, but of course in
specific instances the answer is no.  Is it God's will that there
should be hatred between people, no.  But, is it his will that
hatred should be a possibility for human choosing, yes.

Q:
Should we work harder on this self-improvement thing, is this a
daily chore?

Ham:
I wouldn't call it a chore, but rather a privilege, a journey, and
adventure, but not a chore.

Q:
Do you see a person here that I should be connected with by name or
by association?

Ham:
No, rather I see you have reached a splitting of your path and there
is a big decision that you are needing to make about who you are and
who you want to be.  It is this decision that will determine who is
brought to you.  The big decisions are always inside, internal. 
Then the outer world gradually changes in accordance with the inner
decision.

Q:
Ham, should I have a private session with you?

Ham:
That son, is your decision.

Q:
How should we go about this?

Ham:
Give a time that is convenient and a day for you.

Q:
Tomorrow at 4:00?

Ham:
Yes, that is convenient, we shall discuss many things then.

Q:
Ham, do you have anything for Esmirelda?

Ham:
Yes, daughter, you are getting a little bit lost in details and are
feeling unbalanced, therefore I recommend that you make a priority
of your stillness practice and also exercise, walking.  The world
won't fall apart if you take some time for yourself.

Q:
Elena?

Ham:
Elena, you are like the Spring shoots coming out of the ground.  You
are vulnerable and tender and yet determined to grow and this is
wonderful.  We rejoice in your progress.

Q:
Anything for Rebecca?

Ham:
Child, you tend to go on emotional ups and downs that are too steep.
 You need to keep with your meditation practice so that these
emotional swings are stabilized.

Q:
Myself?

Ham:
Son, I would also recommend the same to you. You both should
journal.  Stillness practice, journaling, this will help your
emotional swings as well.  You too have been on a up and down roller
coaster ride that is too extreme for the circumstances.

Q:
Mostly down it seems like to me.

Ham:
Yes, son, I know. Stillness, stillness, stillness.

Q:
Conveyed thanks from George Coutis.

Ham:
Yes, son, be of glad heart and open mind.  Welcome challenge and
thrive in difficulty.  For these are stimulating times and will spur
you on to greater growth than would have been possible without them.

Q:
Could I have a message please Ham?

Ham:
Certainly, Kellan, you are maturing and learning great lessons about
value.  You are letting go of childish things and beginning to truly
value what it is to be a man.  Are you understanding?

Q:
Yes.

Q:
Do you have a message for me this week, please?

Ham:
Of course, son, there are still many doors to walk through, many
challenges to face, many rejections to endure.  But, I see some
changes within you that are beginning to be manifest in your
reality.  Yes, you are indeed growing and changing and learning the
difference between what is of value and what is simply glittering
stones.  Think about what is really important to you, what is it
that you really desire?  Separate
that from other's expectations and so forth.  Is this helping?

Q:
Yes, it sure is, thank you Ham.

Q:
Ham, Craig D. wondered if you had anything to say to him?

Ham:
Certainly, son, you are still running here and running there without
a clear understanding of why.  Open your heart to the Father's
loving guidance, let his hand be on your heart, and from here make
decisions with your heart as to what is best for you.  Remember, you
don't have to do anything, but you do have to become you.  Let that
self-becoming be your priority and let it influence what you do
instead of the other way around.

Q:
Any words for me Ham, I would appreciate.

Ham:
Yes, Vontis, you are doing very well though you must continue the
stillness practice, everyday without fail, and open yourself to
receiving guidance.  Don't be reluctant to ask the Father for help
and for guidance.

Q:
I would appreciate feedback from you this week as well.

Ham:
Certainly, Brodan, your life is truly opening up to more and more
love every day.  You are increasingly able to give and just as
importantly to receive love from other people.  Be contented for all
is well and is as it should be.

If there is nothing further, I will take my leave and give you my
love and my prayers as usual throughout the week.  You are my
beloved children, friends, and I cherish you each within my heart.