[tmtranscripts] Nebadonia 6.13.05 - Personality

[JERRY LANE]

Dear Folks,    Well, my buddy is back to help with the transcribing, so here 
without further delay is Mother Spirit from last Monday.  I didn't follow 
the discussions with Ron of TMArchives too closely, so I don't know all the 
arguments back and forth, but for me, I accept full responsibility for any 
mistakes in these transmissions.  As I told Ron, while Welmek comes through 
almost conversationally, Michael and Mother Spirit are like a fifty-five 
gallon drum of Them trying to come through a pin-hole - me.  I.e. Their 
words come through in short phrases I have to edit into 
sentence-relationships ( - .,;: - etc.) and paragraphs, and I may not be 
fully consistent or grammatically correct in this, especially with some of 
Their more complex concepts.  Incidentally, I started capitalizing any 
personal pronouns referring exclusively to extra-human personalities as a 
help in keeping in mind Who is being referred to, and I hope this is more of 
a help than an annoyance.  Thanks so much for all your encouragement and 
appreciation.  What fun this is!  Jerry.

Nebadonia 6.13.05

Marin TM Group

Dear Michael and Mother Spirit,    Welcome!  We welcome Your presence into 
our lives – tonight, and tomorrow, and all the days of our lives.  Then to 
think that we will be under Your close and loving watch care for the 
next…perhaps tens of thousands of years as we traverse the breadth of our 
Local Universe until someday, with a final hug goodbye, You send us off into 
the galaxy.  So: we certainly thank You for helping us get started.  Amen.

Nebadonia:  Good evening My children, this is your Mother, Nebadonia.  How 
good it is for you to think of what must be for you almost incomprehensible 
reaches of time compared to the few short years you have lived already.  But 
this is good.  It puts the events of your life into a broad context that is 
absolutely real in its potential.  It does you very good to think of 
eternity, as We have suggested, by putting yourself in the picture.  When 
you think of the endless worlds you will visit - evolutionary planets and 
architectural spheres hanging in space like gigantic Christmas tree 
ornaments, always put yourself in that picture.  Realize that you will be 
there.

And though you will continue to grow, both in your experience and your 
understanding of that experience, you will always be the unchanging identity 
that God created initially.  This is your essence.  This is the God-created 
personality that you are, that makes you unique in all the universe.  So you 
can glimpse another profound balance of two nigh infinite qualities.  One is 
an essence of personality who was complete the instant He created you, and 
will be forever complete - not exactly in time and space, yet always 
associated with some form of energy reality as you are now.  You will always 
have a very discrete and real body with which you will be able to connect, 
to perceive, to influence the impersonal reality of matter-energy on 
whatever world you find yourself.  So you have this part of you who you 
really are, that does not need to change but, like a tenacious thread, will 
tie together like beads on a string all the coming days of your life, just 
as it has all those you have already lived through.

For this unchanging personality, this unique being grows in a spiritual way. 
  You will continue to experience and as you grow more and more in spirit 
and in the powers and ability of spirit, so too your creativity will grow - 
your ability to joyfully enter into God’s continuous renewal of both all the 
persons of the universe as well as the physical universe itself.  Though you 
may go through boring and somewhat stagnant periods from time to time as a 
human being, you will soon leave this behind.  More and more you will be 
able to enter into the continuous creation of total reality – which includes 
you.

I know this seems fantastic to you in your present state.  You wonder: Where 
am I going to put all that?  I already feel stuffed with experience from 
time to time.  I feel so world weary.  I don’t know what to do with what I 
already know.  My heart is already filled with the love I have received from 
so many friends, and given to so many.  Where can I put the rest of my life, 
let alone an eternity of novel days?  Certainly I must hit some place where 
my whole soul screams, “I’m full!”  But We have a big surprise in store for 
you.  And it will not in any way ruin the surprise you will experience 
someday by telling it to you now: your soul has no limits.  No limits can be 
put upon your personality either.  For this reason nether We nor any other 
being shy of God himself can pretend to define exhaustively even what 
personality is.  This is a pure and direct creation of God, stark and alone 
in its uniqueness.  Every personal being contains something of His mystery.  
Even We, your spiritual parents, do not even try to plum the depths of you, 
Our children.  For of course, We prefer it this way.

Is it any wonder that Michael, when He was among you on Urantia, felt 
blessed as a Creator Son of God to sit down for a while and marvel at the 
human children playing around him, climbing all over him, laughing and 
giggling?  You are Ours, and yet we are all the Father’s.  And here, as in 
so many other facets of reality, you see the hallmark of balance in His 
handiwork.  When you look on your total being, see this balance between a 
pure essence who does not change, and a pure fragment of His; and now a 
combination of you and your Thought Adjuster - your soul, which is nothing 
but change and growth.  No, you will not in any way dissemble your surprise 
the morning you awake on the Mansion Worlds and look around with an 
unfathomable recognition.

So much of your human life has been influenced by this Mystery Monitor of 
God, this will be one of the greatest surprises of all, this unfathomable 
quality of recognition right there in a place you have never been before.  
There’s such a transcendent appropriateness to all of Gods’ plans, the way 
in which He constantly surpasses your deepest longings and wildest hopes.  
This is surely part of His delight, for it is so much of Ours, and so much 
too of those of you who are parents and know the joy of surprising your 
children with what they dared not even hope or imagine.  Yes, this is all 
very fantastic, yet it is real.

So don’t be shy about questioning any of it.  Gods’ creations not only 
withstand, but welcome any kind of scrutiny you care to bring to bear.  
There is no top or bottom or sides to Him, especially with those creations 
of His you know of as your fellow human beings.  Everyone you meet is this 
unique creation like no other, however slowly or hesitantly growing his or 
her soul, wealthy in spirit beyond their own knowing.  So We invite you, My 
children, to stretch your imaginations and dare to hope, reach for all you 
can understand, grow to your fullest in appreciation, and still…and still…  
God will surprise you tomorrow.

If you have any questions this evening, we have time for them.

Student:  Mother, it’s good to be back in Your presence again.  I was just  
wondering if we can create our own reality apart from creating our 
perception of reality?  Can we or do we have a relationship with our life 
and the thoughts we have, and do the thoughts create our life?  I’m not 
quite sure what I’m asking yet.

Nebadonia:  Well, My son, I sense in you several concepts.  You are curious 
as to the interrelationship of how they affect each other.  You have a 
concept of reality in an objective sense as it exists independent of you.  
You can be very certain there is a world there with a history of millions of 
people who lived before you were born, and which will continue after you 
die.  So there must be something “out there.”

Then you introduced the concept of your perception of this reality.  As 
Michael pointed out in His last lesson, there is no way you can experience a 
purely objective reality, because you affect it.  You are necessarily a part 
of the reality you perceive, first of all because you are in reality, you 
are a fact of reality.  And second, this perceived reality is coming in 
through a screen of your own familiarity and what you are accustomed to 
looking or listening for, what you anticipate the next moment will bring you 
- as well as the pure physical energies impinging on your sense organs.  
This has been a human puzzle for as long as men and women have tried to 
understand this relationship in their philosophy: where does the subjective 
world end and the objective one begin?

As a human being do you ever know an object in itself, or do you know only 
your perception of it?  How close does your perception fit the object as you 
might imagine it exists in an objective way?  These are mysteries for you to 
decide for yourself, in each separate instance.  They are worthy of your 
study and your thought and your reasoning.  So to the degree that your 
mental state, and attitude, and training, and cultural biases or prejudices 
influence your perceptions, so too does what you know of as reality become a 
consequence of your thinking.

But it can go the other way too.  If you have an ideal of objectivity and 
you strive to be open and let the pure raw data of reality itself inform 
your thinking, this can become a way of growing by adapting to it.  This is 
why We have tried to help you perceive both that aspect of reality that is 
continuing day to day, and that part of reality which is alive and 
constantly being renewed so that each day is not like the day before, nor 
will tomorrow be exactly the same.  You can sense the limits to your concept 
of a purely objective perception of reality, and understand how this 
perception is experientially impossible to achieve.

There are no such limits on subjectivity.  You might think: well, forget the 
subtle stuff, if some solid, visible object is coming my way, I will 
certainly perceive it!  And yet some folks don’t, and suffer the impact.  In 
the extreme case of various kinds of mental disease where brain function is 
gradually lost, a persons’ subjectivity becomes their whole world and they 
lose their perception and ability to cope with the world and the people 
about them.  So there is no limit to how far a person can sink into pure 
subjectivity, clear to the point of insanity or death.  Then it depends very 
much on what culture and society this person finds themselves in as to how 
they will be able to maintain their life as they lose or distort their 
perceptions of themselves and the outer world.

So objectivity is a good ideal to strive for.  We encourage you to open 
yourselves and embrace as much of that outer world as you can, especially 
those other personalities walking around in it.  This can be another balance 
to your own inner spiritual life, your own inner memories and feelings, 
understandings and intuitions.  That outer world out there includes the 
whole universe that you will never find the end of in all your billions of 
years of adventure to come.  Does this help you understand these 
relationships, My son?

Student:  Yes it does.  I expect that after reading the transcripts of this 
lesson it will be a lot clearer.   I have another question.  You and Michael 
have mentioned many times being open to reality – other people and the world 
– and I’m not certain what that means.

Nebadonia:  Let’s use what we’ve just discussed.  Looking at a person from 
the outside, somewhat as an object, or objectively, you would say this 
person is open if their attitude, their willingness and ability to relate to 
what is happening all around them, seems to be in accord, with a really full 
functioning.  Subjectively, from the inside-out, this is how you will 
experience being open.  The world around you will begin to grow both 
quantitatively in the sheer amount of what  you can notice and what seems to 
naturally influence you, and qualitatively - the world takes on a depth of 
meaning.  People seem to emerge from a crowd of anonymous faces to become 
this person, then that person: every face unique and full of meaning.  
Reality is of so many dimensions, and so bottomless, there is no end to this 
opening.  You will experience it most simply as your life getting better in 
every way you can conceive of it.  This will be a fact, something happening. 
   This will tell you, you are opening and not closing down.  Your life is 
simply - more.  Does this help you?

Student:  Yes, it does.  And I was thinking that, as You were speaking, that 
being open to reality is living life not through a veil of fear, but through 
a veil of love.  Because I notice when I’m fearful I have a tendency to shut 
down, and not view people as being children of God, but negatively, meaning 
to harm me.  And that’s not always true.

Nebadonia:  Here, My son, your intuition has lead you straight to the 
primary cause of shutting down or, for some unfortunate folks, never opening 
much to begin with.  You are very correct.  Fear is the main reason that 
people either turn off their perceptions or fail to realize how distorted 
their perceptions are becoming – even to the point of paranoia and extreme 
hallucinations.  Fear creates a terribly distorting haze between you and 
what may be not only harmless, but actually so beautiful as to dispel fear.

But I would ask you to think of love, not as a better or even the best kind 
of a veil, but rather the absence of one.  Love can be your attitude, your 
willingness to relate to events and people by striving to increase your 
abilities to do so.  As you are more and more capable of loving and 
accepting love, the veil of fear, and cultural or racial or sexual 
prejudices, all these subtle blinders keep clearing more and more until, 
with perhaps with no small shock, you realize when you are seeing clearly 
God’s creation, especially your fellows, there is no bottom to any of it, or 
them.  This is not just some psychological projection, even of love.  This 
is love enabling you to see what is real.  Can you see the difference, My 
son?

Student:  Yes.  One is very positive, the other has a great deal of 
negativity involved in it.

Nebadonia:  Well, there is a kind of romantic projection that you’ve all 
gone through, generally as early as fifth or sixth grade, where you were 
seeing through a veil of love.   It was mostly your own projected fantasies 
which had to withstand two or three broken hearts.  This was your having a 
crush, or puppy love as it’s called – and yet We would certainly not want 
you to have missed this either.  True spiritual and soulful love is a kind 
of clearing of vision.  Fundamentally it is what connects all personal 
beings much as gravity connects all impersonal reality.  As it is God’s 
greatest gift to us, so it is our greatest means to discover what is real.  
Do you have any more questions, My son?

Student:  Not at the moment.  I just feel more peaceful about all of the 
failed relationships I’ve had in the past - that it’s OK to have had them, 
and it’s what got me to here, and I can learn from them, and not be poisoned 
by them.  Thank You very much, Mother.

Nebadonia:  You are very welcome.  That is indeed a wonderful attitude.  So 
for you yourself, and your partners too, for any lingering regrets; as you 
come to love them and love who you were with them, so too you may recapture 
the full reality of what that was.  And be in My love.

Student:  Good evening Nebadonia.  I’d like to ask for help in getting ahead 
of the curve, like getting out of second and third gear, getting into forth 
and fifth gear, like getting over the crest of the wave and riding it 
down…and service, positive momentum, the clear-headed feeling of priorities 
I’ve experienced a few times in life, knowing a better way of serving 
others…eliminate a lot of fears.  So I ask for the general help to feel that 
(?) might be the hunger-tension of paradise perfection is proceeding at just 
the right rate.  Still accepting the cloud of unknown…unknowingness.  Maybe 
simplifying my life even more.  So I ask for any help in that direction.

Nebadonia:  Yes, My son.  I feel beneath all the examples you’ve just 
enumerated you do have a sense of being, to use another of your expressions, 
in the groove – being totally one with the present moment.  While at the 
same time you have ambitions of somehow achieving some supreme or ultimate 
relationship with your life that you express as, not being right with the 
moment but actually getting ahead of the curve, or getting into some higher 
gear, or going over the crest of the wave where you can surf for awhile.  
This very ambition, if you are not careful to see the limitations of it, can 
lead to a kind of dissatisfaction which can get you behind the curve, and be 
a drag, so you have to down-shift back again.  Rather than surfing you are 
suddenly back at the base of the wave.

This is a very common human perplexity.  It requires a decision on your 
part.  It might help to ask yourself which is the greater reality: what is 
happening right now, including all your memories of the past and all your 
anticipations of the future, or this ambition that, if it is not curtailed 
and kept in its proper place, can break your concentration and take you out 
of being in the groove, break this kind of a living, dancing along 
spontaneity of being perfectly in accord with the present moment.  This 
decision is not in any way just being self-satisfied and no longer 
interested in growing, but one of not letting any impatience for growth 
impede your ability to do so.  This is seeing that ambition can be not only 
the cruel taskmaster it has been accused of being, but can lead to an 
illusion of not only not progressing, but actually falling behind - where it 
itself is the main reason for this.

It may help you as you go through your days to set aside part of your 
stillness meditations to really wrestle with these notions of wanting to get 
ahead, shifting into a higher gear, getting ahead of the curve.  Do this 
with all the vigor and energy you can summon, for a short time, and then set 
these notions down and leave them behind you and forget them for awhile!  
Don’t let self-judgement come between you and what you are doing.  It can be 
a haze of petty dissatisfaction that robs you of the fullness of your day’s 
activities.  For as you know, there is a feeling of being right in the 
groove, not ahead of yourself nor behind, but right one with yourself in 
what you are doing that very moment - with no “other you” standing aside 
with this dissatisfied, petulant critique.  It’s a kind of concentration and 
focus.  You still keep in touch with your ambitions and wondering: where do 
I grow next, how can I grow?  But then, ironically, you grow by putting 
these out of your mind with a decision, and giving yourself one hundred 
percent to what you are doing.  Does this help you , My son?

Student:  Yes, it’s true.  It’s one of the most wonderful lessons I’ve ever 
had.  And it gives me hope of writing someday of the pros and cons of 
ambition – the subtlety of it, possibly pride entering in, the fear of 
defeat and so forth.  These are the kind of lessons I’m sure the 
Melchizedeks are so profound at.  So I thank You very much for that.

Nebadonia:  As I cautioned you once before: you cannot pick yourself up by 
your bootstraps, My son.  You cannot do one hundred percent and hope to 
stand outside of yourself and judge what you are doing, both at the same 
time.  So think about this and think about ways of giving each its proper 
place.  And be in My love.

So, you personalities, (laughter) how do you feel about wrestling with all 
these aspects of your be-ings?

Students:  Good!  It makes life worth while.  It sure is a lot of stuff.

Nebadonia:  Well, you are very complex.  The last few lessons We have 
encouraged you to have some appreciation for the all ways your physical and 
mental and spiritual and soulful dimensions are so alive and, in an very 
moving manner, informing and influencing each other.  This is one of the 
wonderful rewards of stillness, and it has been expressed by many of your 
philosophical and religious teachers as: somewhat as you let a container of 
stirred-up muddy water just settle, so too your taking a break from actively 
striving to bring all these different dimensions into accord, by just 
relaxing and letting things be, and just observing as delicately as you can 
without changing things - which is no small spiritual ability you will have 
to acquire! (here Mother gave a sympathetic little chuckle) - but this 
letting things be, letting things settle and clear of themselves, is 
possible.  What emerges, seemingly by itself, but actually with Our help, 
and your Father’s, is a spiritual unity, the single thread that runs through 
everything.

So also rest your incessant strivings, My children.  Give your completeness 
a change to emerge.  Don’t fear this.  It is not some smug 
self-satisfaction.  It is a gift of God as He created you.  You are entitled 
to enjoy it.  Soon enough the world will call you back.  Yet the deeper you 
can be at peace right within it, the more joyous can be your attitude toward 
it.  My love is always here.  You can always ride on it for awhile, and 
coast along.  Good evening.

Students:  Good Evening,  Mother.