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<DIV><B>
<P>DATE:</B> September 24, 1996<BR><B>LOCATION:</B> Butler, PA,
USA<BR><B>T/R:</B> Gerdean</P><B>
<P>TEACHER SESSION<BR>Counsel on Today's Youth</P>
<P>TOMAS:</B> Good evening, my friends. I am Tomas. How are you this
evening?</P><B>
<P>Leah:</B> Good. Welcome. </P><B>
<P>Ruth:</B> Fine. How are you?</P><B>
<P>TOMAS:</B> I am well, as are my associates who join me in your sleepy nest
this evening. It is apparent that your comfortable realm has been providing you
with certain satisfactions, not the least of which is a replete repast. I am
very much aware of this, not because I came to dinner, but because your energies
are more guttural than cerebral this evening. I have observed in your discourses
prior to inviting me to join you that your focus was on your physical realms,
your physical health and ills, including some emotional behavioral dysfunction
which are also resultant from your mechanical mechanisms, your material
aspects.</P>
<P>There are those who feel that the Teachers are singularly focused on your
spiritual well-being and this cannot be denied; however, as you are edified in
the ways of your material life, your minds, hearts, souls and spirits are then
released to revel in the more elevated planes of Reality wherein we have a
broader range of circumference in which to operate. That is not to say that we
do not take an interest in your human life, in your human condition, for this is
the soil in which you grow and we are interested also in fertilizing your soil,
in hoeing the area in which you grow, that your roots might take nourishment in
your earthly soil, in your material existence, as well as in the work of the
spirit.</P>
<P>So do not be alarmed, my friends, and feel that I have caught you talking
about things outside of our curriculum, for that is not so. Having now discussed
with you that we are aware of whence you come, how would you like to proceed
this evening, my friends? Are there questions or are there matters in your deep
mind or even your subconscious mind that you would like to present for
clarification, edification, and discussion this evening?</P><B>
<P>Ruth:</B> Well, Tomas. If I was insecure and felt threatened, I'd be very
concerned about what we laughed about and talked about at dinnertime and after.
We're all friends. You sound like you were a farmer or a worker of the soil at
one time. We should all be very comfortable with each other and we hope you
enjoyed our dinner conversation. It was very educational to some of us. I'm
rattling on and they're laughing at me, but that's okay. I don't mind.</P>
<P>What I would like to ask you is Tomas, I'm having a problem with my niece and
I would like some help dealing with her and some of my clientele. And I feel a
lot of times that a lot of the things that people ask professionally, I do have
adult guidance, but my problem with my niece, I don't feel I have guidance, or
maybe my feelings are clouding my judgment, so I'd like guidance. Could you help
me?</P><B>
<P>TOMAS:</B> I will attempt to help you in this situation by helping you to
clarify some of your own conflict in it. I heard you say you were having a
problem with your niece and that, in itself, is perhaps not quite correct. You
perceive that your niece is in trouble or operating in a mode that you feel is
detrimental to her well being. You are manifesting your own value system onto
her which is a function of a tribal unit, and so within the tribal frame-work
you are operating correctly, but part of the difficulty is that your niece is
not content to subscribe to the limitations of her tribal environment. In her
seeking to break away from the status quo, which is a way for her to discover
her true identity, her own reality, she is gravitating toward other types who
are also "rebelling" against the norm.</P>
<P>I understand your concern. I will state that beside having a heart-felt
sharing relationship with your niece, there is little else that you can do or
that you should do, for if you apply overmuch social/tribal pressure, it will
only exacerbate her urge to revolt.</P>
<P>The problem of youth growing up in your sundry societies here on Urantia is a
difficult job at best. It is often the case that individuals readily accept
their inheritance, and yet in fairness to the concept of evolution, there are
always those who will strike out against the status quo in search of the
unknown. It is probably more disconcerting for the more traditional and
conservative among you to observe this kind of stretching one's boundaries,
spreading one's wings, than it is of the adventurous youth who finds life
available for the investigating, is there for the taking, the challenges
presented; and in this mental frame of mind, coupled with the youthful fantasy
that life never ends, they will never be ill, etc., and in company with other
adventurous young people, they are in not bad company in the main.</P>
<P>It is not uncommon for the youth of the day to attempt to strike out in a new
direction, particularly when they are indwelt by a creative Thought Adjuster,
which your niece has, and also when she has been so well founded in her
fundamental reality, her basic personality, that she feels strengthened, now, to
branch out somewhat into her aspiring young adulthood.</P>
<P>Have faith in the girl. It is not uncommon, too, that those young people who
are attempting to find their own way, their own identity, their own philosophy,
their own theology, etc., apart from the family influence, assume behaviors,
music, costuming, mannerisms, rituals and so forth which give viability,
credibility to their own camaraderie. Whereas this might look frightening and
threatening to a traditional nuclear family, it is invigorating and solidifying
to the new youth culture.</P>
<P>It is, of course, a concern when young people begin to set out and find they
cannot communicate with their home base, their family of origin. The family of
origin is secure in itself and fears the fledgling that flees the nest, or flees
its values and conventions. If this child has been fostered in the love of a
home, those values are inherent and there is little to fear. Truly, life is an
adventure.</P>
<P>I do not feel that I have assuaged all of your anxiety. Have we helped at all
in this presentation?</P><B>
<P>Ruth:</B> Yes, you've helped greatly, but I know she's getting into . . .
she's doing some drugs, and I very strongly disapprove of that, and I disapprove
of her irresponsible actions. She was not raised that way and she's causing a
great deal of hurt to her parents and everyone who loves her. I don't try to
stop her striking out and her wanting freedom, but there are some things ... she
is driving everybody to a point of frustration and sheer worry with ... some of
the kids she hangs around with are in a great deal of trouble, where her
girlfriend lives there's shootings, and it's just -- she does not come home when
she's supposed to, she's cutting school.</P>
<P>It's a multitude of things, and she and I don't communicate very well. We're
at loggerheads. And my sister tells me that we are so much alike, and that at
the age that she is, that I was similar. I may have been similar, but I did not
do these things. It's very hard for me to try to talk to her, to explain to her
why, you know, why my anxiety is so great and my frustration.</P>
<P>She knows everything. Of course all teenagers know everything. I realize I
... but it's just ...It helped, but I just need ... I don't know what I need to
do with her.</P><B>
<P>TOMAS:</B> The thing you need to do is not with her but with yourself. You
have admitted that your own anxieties and fears have blossomed and become
manifest to the point where they have alienated you from her. Is it any wonder
that she distrusts you, for you are trying to impress upon her your anxieties
and fears. How can anyone be endeared to someone impressing them with their own
fears and anxieties? Even when they are directed in love, it is a negative
approach. This is particularly true of a sensitive youth that is in search of a
new set of values.</P>
<P>The more you try to prevail with her, based upon fears and anxieties, the
more you will alienate her affections, and so I say it is your problem. In order
for you to maintain your friendship with her and hers with you, even through her
many life's experiences, your job is to love the girl in spite of your own fears
and anxieties, it is to have faith in her, in her own perception of her path. It
is a way you might have taken when you were faced with the same choice in your
earlier youth, but you chose your path, one that is in keeping with your
cultural conditioning. Hers may come around to that, but she has her own path to
follow and her own "cross to bear."</P>
<P>Rather than allow your fears or your familial fears to oppress her, enthuse
with her over the value that she is searching for. You say that she inhabits or
frequents an area where there are shootings. It does not mean that she is
shooting people or that she is getting shot. It means that she feels camaraderie
with her brothers and sisters. She is an empathetic, sympathetic, compassionate
trooper for human rights and human value. It may be out of the norm for you and
your family but it is not out of the norm for one who is willing to lay down
their life for a friend. Applaud her ideals. Pray that she is guided in her
decisions and rewarded in her fellowshipping.</P>
<P>Also in reference to the use of drugs, it is a truth that every facet of your
society is well infiltrated with drugs. Your pharmaceutical companies are guilty
of the same tactics as the common street pusher in many ways. It is a struggle
for even intelligent, educated, cultured and "straight" individuals to know when
they are stepping over the line of medical necessity into drug dependency, and
often they do this with sophisticated, adult rationalization and peer support.
How different is that from the experimentation of youth? Far better for you to
be aware of the various kinds of drugs available to youth and encourage the
avoidance of those which are specifically dangerous and harmful.</P>
<P>Remember that chemicals and herbs can be bad or good and much depends upon
the motivation for the usage. I am borrowing on a vast file of information that
is available to me by way of Gerdean's actual experience. I am glad for her many
experiences for it gives me a large scope of data to draw from, but I would
caution you all that the ideal and preferred method is to forego any substance
that will interfere with or alter or even augment the natural development of the
soul. It is a relatively fruitless attempt on my part, for even your common cup
of coffee and soft drink contains materials that will alter your consciousness,
your electro-chemical system. I deal with a society that is almost exclusively
involved in drug use, and I am speaking to you here as well.</P>
<P>Illicit or legal or otherwise, the human being has been dabbling with these
things since before he was even indwelt by God. As it is referenced in your
text, man has always dabbled in the use of drugs and today is no exception.
Incredibly, however, much good has been known to come from drugs and so I cannot
denounce a culture or a pocket of people, nor can I denounce the entire race. I
would only ask that you drop your prejudices regarding who uses drugs and for
what reason, for everyone does, almost without exception. It is part of your
cultural history as a race of evolving beings. [Ed: i.e., p. 776] Has this been
edifying or helpful?</P><B>
<P>Ruth:</B> Yes. Thank you very much.</P><B>
<P>TOMAS:</B> I will further say to you that your affection for your niece is
apparent and real. It is also true that your loyalties to your family values are
in earnest. It is not an easy job being a peacemaker, but it is a role that
becomes you, and perhaps that will be your assignment in this situation.</P><B>
<P>Ruth:</B> That's a pretty big assignment.</P><B>
<P>TOMAS:</B> Indeed, you have a big job. Any individual who is dealing with
other individuals of varying values and practices, who tries to bridge
differences, who tries to instill love and understanding and patience in one
another, has a big job indeed. Be assured that you are not alone in your work.
We are legion. It is for Michael that these concerns are seen, heard, grappled
with and undertaken; it is for the spiritual growth of the individual and of the
race.</P>
<P>Someone once said, "Oh, well, I wasn't doing anything else anyway." </P><B>
<P>Ruth:</B> Thank you very much, Tomas.</P><B>
<P>TOMAS:</B> Thank you, daughter, for allowing me to talk with you and share
with you your heartfelt concerns. You are loved. [Telephone call;
intermission]</P>
<P>Well, my pumpkins, what have you to offer each other this evening? (Group
response to the nickname) "Pumpkins" is a word which I have picked out of the
hat to address you, as I was assigned the delightful chore of finding new pet
names for you and I find that a pumpkin is a robust and radiantly-colored fruit
of the vine which is full of seeds to be planted, and so I know you are my
pumpkins, indeed. How grow you in your patch?</P><B>
<P>Student:</B> We all grow fat in the fields. (Group laughter)</P><B>
<P>TOMAS:</B> The field is there for your fattening, but if your purpose is to
remain a vegetable, my son, you may well end up being a pie. (Group laughter,
followed by long silence) That was not a threat.</P><B>
<P>TOMAS:</B> Leah, what are you musing?</P><B>
<P>Leah:</B> Well, I was listening to what you were telling Ruth, and I was
feeling some of the same type of feelings she expressed toward a young man I
know, and I get totally frustrated by some of the experience of some of his
behaviors, and I was listening to what you said and I am aware that it's my
problem, but I just wonder about some restraints. It feels like, with this young
man, the tail is wagging the dog in the home environment that he's in. I find it
irritating, and I would like to be more patient and kind.</P><B>
<P>Student:</B> For the record, he's not doing drugs or going places where
people are being shot.</P><B>
<P>Ruth:</B> Thank God.</P><B>
<P>Leah:</B> No. I mean, I know. I'm just referring to behavioral things and
certainly I have my problem with behaviors, and I find myself still terribly
reactive rather than responsive.</P><B>
<P>TOMAS:</B> I am glad to see you reflecting deeply on the words we shared
earlier, and indeed your mental activity is well-focused, for your own personal
situation gives rise to many of those same anxieties and frustrations as are
being experienced in other situations, and indeed the greater part of the burden
is on your own shoulders for alleviating much of the stress of the
situation.</P>
<P>I would suggest to you that in your many considerations, that you consider
the flailing of youth much like you would consider a radio station turned up
loud and not set squarely on the channel. Train yourself to not hear much of
what is going on, for it is senseless to invest logical emotional energy in the
passing fancy of a youth who is attempting to find his identity. If he is going
to try out every facet of his exploration on you, it will wear you into the
ground if you expect yourself to have to respond to his explorations with a
reality viewpoint.</P>
<P>Rather, attend to <I>your</I> reality viewpoint, and in your own true
response to your own path, when his explorations into reality happen to
harmonize with yours, you will both be on more solid footing to recognize the
instant as a true moment in time. Do not then expect that that moment in time
will be fixed and lasting, for the exploration for identity goes on and on into
eternity. </P>
<P>It is just this particular juncture in the young man's age and in this time
that has you rattled. Don't allow the inmate to run the institution. Otherwise,
you will be locking yourself up and serving no one any purpose for good. Find
your own Core of reality, seek it out, embrace it, and hold fast to it. Develop
that good habit of attaining serenity in your own waves of this youth's
adventurous sailing over the waves of life. Otherwise, he will merely play you
and wear you out and it will be something that you have allowed. </P>
<P>Do I make any sense to you, Leah?</P><B>
<P>Leah:</B> Somewhat. I feel I need to be more patient with him, but I feel
like my patience just runs out too quick.</P><B>
<P>TOMAS:</B> It is perhaps because you are taking him too seriously, and that
might be a reflection on you taking yourself too seriously. Take yourself
seriously in the ways that I outlined for you. It is not necessary to have such
tremendous patience when you're not so affected by his behavior. If patience is
the earmark of the situation, then accept that things will not settle down for
perhaps ten years and adopt within yourself a patient forbearance.</P>
<P>It seems to me a waste of time to set aside your life for 10 years, which is
why I suggest to you that you follow your own path and allow this kid to grow in
his own space. He is a fine young man. He is intelligent and sensitive. He is
testing his boundaries and if you are wide open, he will bounce all through you.
If he cannot penetrate your wall because you are in the citadel of the spirit,
he will leave you alone. He will even come to respect you.</P><B>
<P>Leah:</B> That would be something. Every once in a while I listen --I coin
the phrase "SYB" (Save Your Breath), but ...</P><B>
<P>TOMAS:</B> Have you forgotten your own youth?</P><B>
<P>Leah:</B> No, I haven't. I was something. I was quite rebellious. But I think
I was rebellious in a different way. I just did weird things.</P><B>
<P>TOMAS:</B> And his behavior is not?</P><B>
<P>Leah:</B> Well, this feels more disrespectful, and if you asked me to pick up
my clothes or if you asked me not jump down the stairs or anything of that
nature, ... "The hell with you, no way, I'm not going to do it your way, I'm
going to continue to do it. I'm going to continue to do what you ask me not to
do, and I don't want to have any respect for you. And you asked me to be honest
and I don't have any respect for you."</P><B>
<P>TOMAS:</B> I will bring this around to you, Leah, and ask you a very raw
question, and that is, how much respect do you have for yourself? For no one can
respect you any more than you respect yourself. It begins with you. If he has
advised you in some crude way that there is nothing there to respect, you may be
smarting from your own lack of boundary. You are in many ways, you and he,
alike. You are both children. The major difference, besides your ages, is
territorial, and under the circumstances, he sees you as yet another immature
personality attempting to be a householder in a situation that belies your
role.</P>
<P>It is necessary for you to develop that respect within yourself that
supercedes your societal role and that allows you to be a child but with adult
dignity. This will be something you can carry with you in and out of your home
environment, in and out of Pennsylvania. It is something you will carry within
you -- your own estate, your own strengths, that which is respectable. This is
the true reality issue. </P>
<P>Do not lean upon the false props of materialism, but lean to the Father for
the one reality that you can bow before and in that state you will find your
greatest strength. It is real, Leah, more real than all these fleeting, passing
temporal things. It is something that the young man can and will respect, for it
is of the Father, indeed, of his own Father in heaven. </P>
<P>Remember when Jesus banished the child of Satan indwelling the boy who was
also epileptic? The wicked spirit left <I>promptly</I> upon hearing the
authority of Jesus. His own father could have talked to him until he was blue in
the face, but without the authority of divinity, there is no true respect. When
you align yourself with divinity and begin to find your strength and reality
therein, it will reflect off of you, radiate from you, and although you may
still find peculiar difficulties with the lad, they will not be as overwhelming
and as debilitating as you now see them.</P>
<P>Remember to focus on true reality. He is not the true reality; he is a young
boy seeking reality on many confusing levels at once. If you could but have some
compassion for the confusion that he surely has in his own development, you
would automatically find patience, but again, I prevail upon you to look to the
Father for the answer. He will also enable you to act in ways which will endear
the lad to you, that will enable the natural affection he has for you to
flourish, that will allow you to not have to be a drill sergeant, that will
enable you to share your own childlike nature on occasion with him without
retrogressing into chaos.</P><B>
<P>Leah:</B> Thank you very much. Those words I spoke about his not respecting,
they weren't spoken to me but I still felt that way.</P><B>
<P>TOMAS:</B> I understand you said that for the record, but I understood you at
once.</P><B>
<P>Leah:</B> Well, sometimes when I'm sitting here and I hear all these things,
they go on in my mind. When you were talking to Ruth, I heard you saying about
things like "impressing your value system on a person creates an alienation of
affection." While I was listening to everything you said, and I'm sure the
answer is right there in what you said, my reaction when she was speaking of
this individual was, "Well, what do you do with a teenager? Do you give them
free will? Or..." Because I did understand what you were saying about this young
lady, who I don't know at all, that she was empathetic and compassionate. I
listened to Ruth talk about the family and, I don't know, I guess I was brought
up under rather tight conditioning. Boy, every time I even thought about sassing
back, I got my come-uppance, so I'm just listening to these situations here, and
while I'm listening and speaking out, I'm hearing, "Just worry about your own
situations; don't worry about.." you know. But I still wonder, though. Like I
know it talks about, in the Book, the wise father chastises the son, but how
does He chastise him? or a mother chastise the daughter? I mean ... We're
talking about boundaries, too, and I don't even know where my own boundaries
are!</P><B>
<P>TOMAS:</B> Let me interrupt you for a moment to respond. In all cases, you
understand that the basic personality characteristics are established in the
first few years of life, in the first 6 or 8 years. When the parent has full
authority is when those patterns are established. When the child is dependant on
the parent and the parent is responsive to the needs of the child, not only
their physical needs, but when they go through their developmental stages, one
of which is asking a million questions, the adult is there to help the mind of
the child in its formulation.</P>
<P>In the child's observation of the parent and parents in their interactions
with one another and with their society, he learns values that will be part of
him for eternity. When you come into knowledge of a life after those impressions
have been made, there is little authority allowed. Your authority over yourself
is recognized; the authority of the Father overall is idealized; but once those
years have passed, the child is pretty much on his own in so far as his
development or her development is concerned.</P>
<P>You have read "The Prophet" wherein he [Ed: Kahlil Gibran] states that "your
children are not your children." Indeed, once you have done your best for them
in molding their characters as youngsters, they are on their way to establishing
their own beliefs, their own patterns, their own friends, their own values and
so forth. There is a tremendous testing ground of opportunity and soul searching
for all young; the more adventurous have the adventures that will cause anxiety
and even heartbreak for their parents, but if they have been set out on their
journey with "good stuff," that good stuff will remain with them throughout
their eternal career.</P><B>
<P>Leah:</B> Well, I just want to say, one time I was saying something about the
Father in heaven, and this kid looked at me and said, "There can't really be a
God the Father in Heaven or my life wouldn't have turned out like this." I just
didn't know what to say to him. You know, I just didn't know what to say.</P><B>
<P>TOMAS:</B> I appreciate his challenge to you and that you still retain that
challenge in your heart, for it is a question that was asked of you that you
have not yet answered. And perhaps you will again have the opportunity to share
with him that facet of your reality, which he has sought by this question and
which you will answer by the nature of your holding it in your heart for
him.</P>
<P>Seek counsel from your Father in heaven to feed this young man the reality
which he seeks and which will marry your souls for eternity as brother and
sister in the spirit. It is not to say that your answer will make or break him,
but it will help to bridge the gap that lies between you.</P><B>
<P>Leah:</B> Thank you.</P><B>
<P>TOMAS:</B> It is like meat and potatoes for me here this evening, to partake
of this meal with you. It is not frosting on the cake, it is not French gravy,
but true substance in the affairs of life, true understanding and devotion of
your younger siblings, of your own nature in terms of how to be an effective
proselytizer of truth, beauty and goodness. I commend your perseverance and your
faith in me that you would share these thoughtful concerns with me. How I
appreciate you for your genuineness.</P>
<P>You see how I love you and have faith in you. It is this attitude, when
presented to your younger brothers and sisters, those less experienced than you,
that carries the tide of truth out and through reality into eternity. You are
learning to be spiritually parental. You are learning to be like the Father. You
are learning to be God-like in your own lives, fostering your own eternal
destiny.</P>
<P>In all things inquire of Him, "What is Your will? Your will be done. Not my
will, not my family's will, not my spouse's will, not my cultural will, not any
will but Your will be done." This is the Way.</P>
<P>I will leave you now to your own dessert, and I encourage you to drink deep
the Living Water for the purity and sweetness of its taste and its refreshing
power. Until we meet again, my pumpkins, I embrace </P></DIV></BODY></HTML>