[tmtranscripts] SE Idaho TeaM 9-19-4

[Pat/Ken Anderson]

SE Idaho TeaM
09-19-04
 
(Unknown)(Nancy): Gracious God, we greet You joyously in community and love.  Open our hearts and minds to the message waiting for each of these, Your precious and devoted children.  We ask this in the name of Christ Michael, my Father-Brother.  Amen.
 
DANIEL (Bob S.): This is Daniel, your elder brother, friend, associate, and stalwart supporter of your efforts to gain the path to the Father.  As you probably guessed I am the introducer of tonight’s program.  We shall return to the plan we had for last week, which has been further updated, to include the material provided last week.  We are now ready to begin, so I shall become quiet to allow our next speaker to begin.  One moment please.
 
DANIEL (Nancy K.): I am Daniel, I will continue for I have the pleasure of discussing love with you this evening.  While this is a topic that we have visited numerous times in the past, a refresher is always helpful and can be quite cleansing in assisting the individual to re-focus in a way that allows negativity to fall away, to allow fear to fall away.
 
When negativity and fear drop away then the Light of Love shines forth as a great beacon, drawing to you other like-minded individuals, and those lost seekers, those individuals who are like ships being tossed on stormy seas, shrouded in fog.  
 
If one focuses on NOT being negative, on NOT being fearful, then in fact the focus is negative, for the focus is on the word NOT.  This does not tend to be effective for it sets up an internal struggle where the ego fights the ego.  Focused on love and extension and connection; this is the tool that allows negativity and fear to fall away.
 
This lesson is related to our discussion of “Turning the other Cheek”.  When you confront an individual who in the past has engendered a fear response in you, or some other negativity judgment perhaps, it can be a useful tool to view this individual as a young child shining in innocence.  Recognize the shadows that living and misperceptions have wrapped them in, but then allow your gaze to see past these exterior trappings to that potential that God sees.  Allow your heart to swell.  
 
If you can envision your own inner energy field, see it glowing with whatever light seems correct to you, and rather than tightening that energy field around yourself, let it widen, expand and connect with the energy field of the other.  If you are having difficulty with a particular individual, a useful exercise can be to practice this imagery in your meditation.  Experience your energy fields merging, in meditation, as well as when you actually are physically present.  In so doing you allow love to flow, to expand, and you reveal God’s essence.  
 
PamElla is reluctant to put another TR on the spot.  However, this is a staged lesson with more than one participant in revealing it’s dimensions, so I will now take my leave that the lesson may be further developed, and then we will provide an opportunity for input and discussion.
 
KLARIXISKA: I am Klarixiska.  I wish to participate in this discussion refresher on love.  As you well know love is the ultimate reality.  The goal of perfection is to love completely and without ending.  And so what is it that interferes with the attainment of this goal of perfection?  And how does one overcome these obstacles?  
 
I wish to stretch myself in new ways this evening and interact with you regarding these questions.  I propose a discussion format where if you would share your obstacles to loving fully and completely this week and by ferreting out those obstacles, perhaps a way can be found to shine the light of love.  Is there anyone who is willing to begin this discussion?
 
Virginia: Klarixiska, I am not sure that I understand exactly.  You want us to tell, say what we think the obstacles are in our life to loving fully and perfectly, am I correct?
 
KLARIXISKA: The obstacles are not in your life.  They are in yourselves in responding to your life.  So I was suggesting that you search yourselves and your reactions to your life over the past week.  Does this help?
 
Virginia: Why did I not love perfectly this last week in certain situations.  Is that what the issue is?
 
KLARIXISKA: Yes, my dear.  You are not asked to reveal it all.  
 
(Group laughing and comments.)
 
LaReen: Ok, I’ll start.  I had a discussion with a long-time friend this morning.  While I was married, its been 15 years ago that I was married, it was to a very negative, hurtful person, and this morning this friend was repeating, a lighter note, the things that her husband was saying to her and I thought I had dealt with all of this, put it behind me, forgiven, and even loved him, all these emotions came flying out.  So I assumed my lack of love for him was really, really deep, cellular.  It shocked me how fast I could go back to not loving and to be in fear, that quick.
 
KLARIXISKA: Can you explain this fear more?
 
LaReen: To hear my friend go through… she can’t do anything right, right now with her husband.  I was told on a daily basis how bad I was and how stupid I was, it was a record that was repeated day after day, even physical abuse.  To hear what her husband had said to her today, the old fears came back.  I am very grateful today that I don’t have to live around someone like that.  I don’t know if it was so much fear for me or fear for her, that she has to go through it.
 
KLARIXISKA: Thank you LaReen for sharing your experience.  The goal of the Correcting Time is that no one shall go through that.  
 
I am giving PamElla permission to join the discussion.
 
Nancy: I had a terrible week.  I know it was related to Dad’s death.  I thought that when I hit the anniversary it would get easier.  This was just a very difficult week.  All of Thursday I was really frightened that I was so disconnected and just angry.  I couldn’t identify why I was angry.  I was really frustrated over my office, but that was good because it gave me some place to focus.  I was worried that I wasn’t able to connect with my daughter, because I was just such a mess.  I can’t identify it.  I don’t know how to shift it, don’t know how I could possibly have found-love, because I wanted to-but I was miserable.  I remember I went out to the car for something, some little last frustration, and I just screamed.  I thought, whoa, this is really embarrassing.  (Group laughing and comments)
 
I don’t know what that obstacle was other than I was just overwhelmed and angry.  I don’t know what I felt.  But certainly I felt away from love.  Fortunately, the next day was a way better day.  I don’t know why certain days are so difficult and others are not.
 
(Nancy speaking to Virginia: do you want to take over for Klarixiska?)
 
Virginia: No, I didn’t feel her at all, honey.  
 
You know I think of something Rob Davis presented at the conference in Boise.  I loved that sentence when he was telling the story about someone had cut his daughter out of a social situation.  He said, (paraphrased) speaking to his daughter: you drew a circle to leave me out, but I draw a circle to pull you in and the whole world with it.
 
So I have been thinking about that.  People do try to make a circle that leaves you out, but you don’t have to be there.  In love you can do what you can to draw a circle that will include them, and the whole world.
 
(Group comments)
 
I like that energy.  I think that was Daniel, but I thought that was a good thing to think about as you are praying for people.  That you can just spread your energies, spread that circle out.  Sometimes it’s real hard to do that.  I don’t have to be specific at all, but there are negative people out there.  It’s very nice to know that God knows your motives.
 
LaReen: I think when there is a lack of love coming from a person that it’s an inner reflection coming out.  For instance, my friend this morning, everything her husband was telling her was obviously something that he is lacking in himself, something he was having a problem with.
 
Bob D.: Like for me it’s a sense of sometimes a disconnect from my thoughts and thinking, and what I actually do during my days.  I think the thing that keeps me from loving the most is really perception, how I perceive things.  It’s probably fear based.  The reaction you might get from being open, honest, and loving with someone.  I think sometimes you just feel exposed; I mean you are just truly loving with someone.  At least for me I think in my life I feel exposed when I’m loving someone.  Even at conferences where everybody is being lovey-dovey and so gentle with each other, it’s a disconcerting feeling inside even as I try to love and be there with them.  So then when I am going to school or dealing with things in my everyday life I think I just… sometimes I’ll risk it, a lot of times I just don’t.  
 
And so I imagine… I wrote an article on ego the other day.  I think sometimes it’s just fear that keeps me from loving, maybe afraid of what the response might be for opening up, especially with somebody you have difficulties with.  You want to sometimes open up, talk to them about it, but there is also a sense of fear that they’ll not… (Group: not hear you, many comments) or not loving you back or hate you.  They think you are being condescending because you are saying you love or whatever.  I think it is all in my own perception or illusion of my reactions to other people.  To the extent I am feeling centered and balanced in my life, I’m doing better.  But to the extent I’m working on issues in my life the more I tend to get inside my own mind and not be free and open and genuine and loving.  Those are the biggest issues.  Sometimes I’m just distracted.  
 
Virginia: I think of a situation many years ago where the man said “If you love you’re going to hurt” and I think sometimes that’s our problem because we don’t want to be vulnerable, we don’t want to have any kind of hurt in our lives, and if you love someone you are vulnerable to whatever may happen, whether it is to chance or accident.  Jesus loved and He was very vulnerable.
 
Bob D.: He was also very good at it.
 
Virginia: He was so good at it.
 
Bob D.: He was so good at it He didn’t even know He was doing it.  He knew it but it was so natural.  Sometimes I desire to be loving, so then I make attempts that are kind of like stilted trys. (Many group comments)  I think to the extent that we are not comfortable loving; it sometimes shows when we are trying.
 
LaReen: It’s easy to do with your children and sometimes your spouse.  It’s not so easy with other people, to trust and be vulnerable.
 
Virginia: Trust is a very good word.
 
LaReen: If we could carryover how we love our children and how Father loves us.  That would be a trip.
 
KLARIXISKA: Thank you for your discussion.  I would like to draw two thoughts.  Jesus was able to love freely because: one, His trust was in His Father, not in human kind, which will err, and two: When He loved, He was not looking for a particular response or reaction.  His ego was not involved, and so He loved freely and yes perfectly.
 
Virginia: I think what you just said-we are expecting something when we love, and we should not.  When we give a gift, it’s given and nothing should be expected about it.  I think maybe that’s where we get into trouble.  We really are trying to love hoping for a relationship, acceptance or whatever instead of truly loving and not worrying about the outcome.
 
KLARIXISKA: Fear is not involved when one is loving perfectly.  Fear of the reaction is ego based and is therefore a mixture of the different aspects of who you are at this point.
 
I have enjoyed my role as group leader.  Before I say my goodbyes may I elicit some further conversation from those who have not yet spoken this evening.  I am not as pushy as Aaron.  (Many comments and humor)  I will not call on you individually.  I say this with a smile of course.
 
Pat: I have a couple of things that have come to mind in the conversation.  One thing is: if you become confident when showing love, then it does not matter what the response is and you’ll be ok with it.  The other thought I had was when Daniel was talking about fear and negativity.  Is negativity a part of fear?  
 
KLARIXISKA: Yes!  Negativity is a manifestation of fear based thoughts, fear based living.  They are inter-related, yes.  (Thank you)
 
Bob D.: Now that we know the ideal can you give us a key that will turn the switch… (Much group humor and comments… looking for the magic wand, etc)
 
KLARIXISKA: You are joking of course.  (We say we are not, more laughing and joking about)
 
Virginia: This is really apropos’ to what we did tonight.  I was negative with Bob when he returned the check to me to send and what did I say?  “This is really rather vague isn’t it”.  After I said it I thought to myself, “now Virginia that wasn’t necessary”.  That was a put down as such.
 
Bob D.: Here, I didn’t think anything about it.  I am often accused about being very vague.  
 
Virginia: Well I didn’t need to say that.  That was negative.  I should have said “ok I’ll take care of it; it will take me ten minutes.  That was negative.  It wasn’t necessary.  So I apologize Bob.  
 
The New Testament says that: “He who controls his tongue is stronger than the man who can take a city”.  I think it’s really true.
 
Is Klarixiska smiling or is Nancy smiling?
 
KLARIXISKA: It is both, but you are seeing Klarixiska.  Yes, I am delighted by the interaction, conversation, and insight.  
 
I will return to my statement about the joking.  Of course I knew there was a desire for a magic wand, a special key, but of course I also know that you know that this is what we are trying to give you through our many lessons and many discussions and our personal love, intimacies, with each of you in this Teaching Mission.  If there were a key, if there were a magic wand, I Klarixiska, would be perfected and I am not.  I too work hard and while I am working at a level, somewhat different from where you are, it is not an automatic or easy thing.  We all, those of us who are not perfect beings, continue to seek, to love more completely.  For indeed is that the goal of perfection.
 
I will take my leave.  It has been my pleasure to participate with you this evening.  You do all delight me, and you in particular, Virginia, my dear charge.
 
Virginia: Thank you Klarixiska.  You are most loving to me.  What I write is never discouraging.
 
Daniel (Bob S.): We believe it is now time to close this meeting, so please stand and join hands for this closing prayer.
 
In gratitude dear Parents of Three, we conclude this section of our lives together with these our charges, our students.  Send us all forth during this next week as we each seek that path, that is your perfect will and how our personalities can adapt themselves to that will.  We know each of us… (words lost) …You know each of us, the path is individual, and we also know that without your guidance we will be lost.  We thank you for that perennial guidance that is always ours for the asking.  And finally we thank You that we have been allowed to be a part of Christ Michaels’ wonderful plan of correction, which day by day, individual by individual, provides more and more light to this planet of darkness.  Amen
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