[tmtranscripts] Nebadonia 10.31.05

[JERRY LANE]

Dear Folks,    Please excuse the lapse of transmitting last week, just to 
let you know there was none for 10.24.  The spirit was strong but the flesh 
was weak--possibly a touch of flu.  Anyway it is good to get back in Her 
presence in this particular way, though She is constantly with us.  I thank 
my fellow T/M friends for their deep trust and sincere desire for real 
contact, which certainly helps the transmission.  It is their, and your 
devotion into which She speaks.  As She has said, it is Her delight when we 
recognize Her. This becomes our gift to both of us.  At least it feels that 
way.  We laugh and shake our heads: it happened again!  Enjoy, Jerry

       Nebadonia October 31, 2005

Marin TM Group—Mill Valley, California—U.S.A.

NEBADONIA—T/R-JL

(Change and personality)
(Discovering God’s will
(Discernment)
(The overarching connection of love)
(Loving without possession: the source)
(The growing soul of God, and your own)

Dear Mother Spirit and Michael:    Tonight on a very chilly Fall evening we 
brave the ghosts and the goblins to gather in to the warmth of Your 
presence.  Even though it’s all-hallo’ed-e’en”—Halloween, we definitely 
prefer to forgo all the scary shenanigans to hear Your true story of the 
real transformation of the Correcting Time.  So say on and say well; we are 
all ears—figuratively speaking that is.  Amen.

NEBADONIA:  Good evening, My sons, this is your Mother, Nebadonia.  
So!--it’s Greetings and Salutations on this spooky evening.  This is very 
definitely an acquired habit, this delighting in having chills running up 
and down your spines,  sneaking up on yourselves and shouting, Got-cha!  For 
a short while it puts some of the real fears and terrors of your earthly 
life off to the side, and you can just enjoy frightening yourselves and each 
other, letting your children dress up in all sorts of costumes and parade 
about the neighborhood, intimidating all the neighbors into bribing them 
with treats to forestall the tricks—though trick-or-treat isn’t what it used 
to be.

It is interesting how all such human celebrations do slowly change over the 
years.  When we think of Halloween, or Christmas, Thanksgiving, Easter—these 
do slowly change.  Each generation finds its own slightly different meaning. 
  The evolution of human institutions follows the slow evolution of humanity 
itself.  As individual members of mankind evolve, so do their institutions 
and their holy days—their holidays.  And this is good.  This is the only way 
traditions can remain alive, though it seems a paradox that something can 
only survive and continue by changing.  Yet this is the essence of life 
itself, constantly changing, transforming, mutating.  This is why We have 
been assuring you that through this incessant change that is your life, 
there is an essence of you that does not change, but rather serves as the 
anchor, the continuity that ties everything else together.  This is your 
personality, which We have likened to a little nodule of God himself that He 
creates and sets free, free from His absolute determinism of physical cause 
and effect--the whole material universe swinging around Paradise.  He gives 
you this relative autonomy so you may truly have your own adventures in time 
and space, your own unique experiences.  And so you blazon across the years 
of your life like a comet, leaving a trail behind you, created moment to 
moment, and this is a further continuity; this is your soul.  This is your 
only true, and only necessary possession.  This above all is the reason for 
you to pay great respect to what you choose to carry through eternity.

What do you want to experience within your own life and with your fellows?  
What is it you wish to have this way?  Think: from this perspective you do 
not have things so much as you have events.  There is nothing material upon 
which you can lay hold forever except your experience with them.  And so it 
is this living interaction with things and people, both, that becomes your 
treasure.  Any merely unconscious habitual repetition with things or people, 
places or events, are as nothing to your soul because they have no spiritual 
value.  Does this give you some insight and inspiration as to how to order 
your life—why We encourage you to welcome a spirit of adventure; not newness 
just for the sake of being new, but something that truly challenges you and 
requires you to stretch yourselves to encompass, something that has the 
potential to change you towards growth, to be more than you are today, 
tomorrow?

(Discovering God’s will)

The best way to find this is to deliberately break up your habits, break up 
your routines, stop and wonder what to do next, and not be afraid of the 
awesome challenge that this creates from time to time, almost a kind of 
panic of what to do next, how are you going to fill this day without all 
your habits?  And yet sit resolute right within this panic until it subsides 
and you can have a clear idea as to how to fill your day with God’s will.  
Over and over again, My children, let this be a refreshing kind of mantra, 
not just some knee-jerk reaction or another habit, but a reminder when you 
ask yourself that question--what do I want--also ask yourself: what does God 
want for me?  And then really open your mind as to what this might be.  As 
We have suggested before, open yourselves completely to whatever wild notion 
might occur to you as God’s will, completely disregarding whether you can do 
it or not.  Be open to it.  Write it down.  Have a look at it.  Wonder how 
you might possibly do it.  For it is these suggestions of His that can truly 
renew your life, that can break you out of the dull, cloying habits that are 
killing you, and encourage you like a butterfly struggling to free itself of 
its cocoon, so you too can take wing.

Relinquish all those notions of what you think you are supposed to be doing 
at your particular age or station in life—youth, or middle-age, or old age.  
These can be deadly concepts when they are determining your behavior based 
on all kinds of unconscious assumptions, which are in turn based on previous 
generations.  Throw them out.  Take a deep breath and feel your heart 
beating.  This is what you are.  You are this living being, capable of 
creating something new.  You can develop the strength to face the challenge 
of having today be something transforming; something, like this holiday 
tonight, something evolving.  Your imagination is your most wonderful gift 
from the Father, for with it your share in His creativity--like Him, not 
only in the creation of what has gone before and brought you to this moment, 
but the living creativity to make a sharp right or left turn if you so 
desire, and it seems to be God’s will saying: Go this other way.  This is 
the real challenge: to fill your lives.  This is the real source of strength 
and creativity to keep you ever green.

Taking these pains is very similar to accepting the small aches and pains of 
stretching your body so that whatever age you are, you stay loose and 
flexible, and can go along ever so lightly.  Ask yourself, what does God 
want me to do today?  Then enjoy the surprise that you can actually hear His 
answer, hear it in the deep stillness, snug in My Mind-Adjutants, buoyed and 
encouraged by Michael’s Spirit of Truth, ever more at one and in good 
company with the Fragment of our Father living within your mind.  My 
children, you are such marvelous beings.  It is Our great delight to have 
you discover this for yourselves.  So on this all-hallowed-saints-evening, 
look to your own spirits and rejoice in your own creativity.  If you have 
any questions or comments this evening, bring them out.  I won’t even say, 
Boo!—again.

Student:  Dear Mother Nebadonia, a week ago last Sunday, I attended a church 
which had this healing…a Lutheran church which doesn’t have this healing 
often, and I prayed for discernment because I had studied it in a TRH 
program, and got help with it before.  But I found out that it’s a gift 
that’s in the Bible, and it did comfort me, the prayer that the minister D 
prayed with me and for me.  I would ask for more insight into this gift of 
discernment that’s been well known in the Bible, and I had heard of it, but 
I definitely felt help.  Thanks in advance for Your answer.

(Discernment)

NEBADONIA:  Yes, V, let Me ask you to define for both of us a little more 
what you mean by discernment.

Student:  Apparently the word seems to be, seeing through to the truth of 
the matter.  At first I was helped in it to find…look into a better job 
situation.  A program out of France uses this to make decisions.  But it 
turns out the ordained minister in the Lutheran church…they see the word 
discernment as a spiritual gift, and it also seems to mean seeing through to 
the truth of a matter on something.  There’s possibly an element of bravery 
to fearlessly face what the discerning eye is recognizing, undoubtedly with 
the help of the Thought Adjuster and other spiritual influences.  That’s 
what I felt it meant.

NEBADONIA:  Yes, and so you pretty well answer yourself.  To Me the word 
primarily means what you have expressed , a deeply penetrating, analytical 
perception that enables you to separate all the various pieces of a puzzle 
or situation—that’s the analytical part.  Then, as you say, with the help of 
all your spiritual powers and presence’s—your imaginative wisdom, your 
Father Fragment, and your life’s experiences—you bring all these to bear to 
penetrate to the truth of a matter.  So just in this description of what 
discernment is, you see the process you go through.  First you take 
something in, in its fullness, its completeness.  And since most situations 
are living affairs, because you are alive, and so are the other people, you 
need a delicate touch on the analytical part.  A very delicate surgery is 
called for that does not disturb or harm the organic nature of the 
situation.  For if you—figuratively—wade in with a meat axe of a lot of 
prejudices, opinions, ulterior motives--especially unconscious ones—you 
thoroughly destroy the living tissue of the situation just trying to analyze 
it.  But then you have to reflect and bring the full weight of your wisdom 
and experience to bear, to penetrate to the truth--as you perceive it!

This last part is very critical, My son: to accept your own subjectivity, 
and not make the colossal error of assuming you have found some absolute 
truth itself.  If you are strong within, and trust yourself, you don’t need 
this.  You can accept fully this is just your truth; and it’s all you need.  
And with humility for all the possibilities of how this situation appears to 
others--in other words, not shutting that out--you still go forward with 
your truth.  If called upon, you can express it that way.  For so many folks 
make this colossal error after having expended enormous resources to arrive 
at their own personal truth.  They feel they somehow have to play God and 
pronounce it as Truth Itself.  I sure you can understand how much blood was 
shed throughout human history on that alter of ego.

This is your discernment, My son, and that alone is value enough, and 
sufficient grounds for action.  Does this answer your question?

Student:  Another wonderful answer, dear Nebadonia.  I want to thank You 
retroactively for the fact that the discernment answers I got in the last 
year took away a lot of the animal fear element, and felt more like the 
Spirit of Truth working, so I will cherish this word with You even more.  
Thank You again.

NEBADONIA:  You are very welcome, My son.  It is indeed liberating to 
recognize all these separate elements that go together to make up your life. 
  The physical, the mental, the spiritual, the personal, the soulful—they’re 
all united in your personality’s experience, yet as you strive to achieve 
greater oneness—of vision, of purpose—just feeling yourself living moment to 
moment as a tightly-knit single being—still what a blessing to be able to 
recognize all the separate elements, if you  will, all the individual 
threads that are weaving together to make you.  And so you proceed on both 
feet, both toward oneness and appreciation of these separate elements.  You 
continue in My love.

Student:  Thank You, Nebadonia.  Thanks too to all the wonderful persons who 
helped write the Urantia book, which makes these things easy to digest.  
Thank You very much.

Student:  Yes, Mother, I don’t have any formal questions, but just desiring 
more to be quieter in my life.  I have noticed recently how my meditations 
have been deepening, and when I lay down, at times, to quiet myself and just 
still my body, and to allow it to be taken over by spirit, that I have been 
focusing more on love, and allowing the power of love to take over my being. 
  And it seems to be awakening a more quiet, less verbal part of me.  And 
it’s interesting watching, as I had mentioned with Michael from last week, 
the dialogue that goes on within my mind.  And it’s usually, a lot of times, 
quite negative, especially towards other people.  And I just watch it, and 
watch how it reacts in my body, and the pain and discomfort it creates.  But 
then, when I watch this and allow another communication to come in, the 
words of love allow that power to take over, and then the pain is released.  
And this is where I desire to live from more and more.  It feels more 
freeing that way.  And I’ll just pray that I am able to overcome and succeed 
in this endeavor and prayer.

I guess what I desire from You, to hear from You, is just some observation 
about what I am experiencing, and leading into?

(The overarching connection of love)

NEBADONIA:  Yes, D, you recall that Michael told of a number of different 
dimensions of reality, and how they’re all guiding you, drawing you ever 
upward and inward--ultimately to Paradise.  The drawing power of 
personality--God Himself; the Eternal Son’s Spirit; the Infinite Spirit’s 
dimensions of Cosmic Mind: this drawing power is love itself.  It is 
literally the love these infinite and absolute Beings have towards all Their 
sons and daughters that transcends time and space and brings Them very close 
to you, both personally and through all Their subordinate Sons and 
Daughters, such as Michael and Myself.

You can think of a hierarchy, a spiritual hierarchy of values, where what 
you expressed this evening as negative feelings towards others, or conflicts 
with others, can be seen as a kind of an equilibrium of forces meeting each 
other—kind-of butting heads, if you will, on a certain level.  And this is 
real.  This contentiousness, and striving, and struggling is all very real.  
It is not just some illusion.  It’s very separate people, unique individuals 
with unique histories and desires, coming in contact.  And so some of the 
striving and the contention expresses a certain balance of forces on one 
level, and your mind elaborates that; sometimes defensively when you feel 
you’ve been wronged or slighted or wounded; other times offensively, when 
you think of revenge or getting an upper hand, an advantage.

But then when ideas and deep commitments to love enter the picture in your 
mind, you can suddenly find yourself on another level, transcending the 
feelings you just had.  And this too is real.  The contention is real, but 
the love represents a higher, overarching kind of connection.  It can 
actually unite you with this person with whom you are contending.  It can 
enable you to see their humanity.  You can even have wonderful glimpses of 
how you are both being seen by higher spiritual beings, such as Michael or 
Myself, or the Father you both have in common, Who loves you both.

This way you are not trapped in a narrow, totally subjective viewpoint, 
seeing things from within a very limited personal viewpoint, but you are 
suddenly above the fray, seeing things from a viewpoint of the loving 
connection of spirit and mind.  You are able then to recognize the two 
personalities involved, and maybe even a bit of the soul of you both.  Does 
this describe the process to you, My son?

Student:  Yes, it does.  Yes, it does.   But I notice how it feels when I am 
in that kind of negative-uncomfortable state, and how I can be easily sucked 
into that.  And it’s so…at times so very painful, and so de-energizing, and 
it so…takes me away from life--how I truly want to live it.  And so I say to 
myself, I don’t want to be in this place anymore.  I want to come from a 
place of love and see myself and others for who we truly are.  I’m tired of 
this density and this heaviness.  That’s so unnecessary.  And I’m not 
criticizing myself, or admonishing myself; I’m just knowing, because of 
experiences, of a better way to be.  And when I do get sucked in, it’s 
usually because I have not been valued, or not been heard, or seen, or 
considered.  That seems to be a primary sore spot in my psyche.

NEBADONIA:  Recognition is the key.  And recognition means to 
“re-cognize,”--to know again.  And so you recognize: Here I am in my bubble 
of familiarity again.  I’m getting caught in the same old trap.  And it’s 
just this recognition that immediately begins to free you.  So even though 
you may not be able to stop this process in your mind, of drawing up an 
indictment against this other person by thinking of a dozen very valid 
things as to why they are so despicable; still you realize that this is not 
truth itself.  This is just a wounded ego struggling to regain its’ 
equilibrium.

For those times you feel so slighted, My son, ask yourself if perhaps you 
were leaning for support upon this person, and so when they were suddenly 
not there, you felt this sucking vacuum of falling, and felt 
self-righteously insulted or wounded that they were not there; they were 
slighting you.  Take it to heart and ask yourself if there is some way you 
need to be more self-sufficient, and less needy in this circumstance?

Student:  I was looking at that yesterday, or this past weekend, where I 
realized that there is this place within me that is seeking fulfillment, 
seeking expression, and it’s that place of love within me that wants to be 
expressed, and wants to nourish and nurture.  And I realize that certain 
individuals are not there to meet that need, so I need to find another place 
to express that, to live that, to experience that, to fill it up in another 
way--instead of putting it all on one person, or two people.  So I have come 
to recognize that--that my love can be channeled to various means.

(Loving without possession: the source)

NEBADONIA:  This is the great challenge of loving without being possessive, 
loving without asking for or implying some specific response, loving as a 
kind of exuberance coming from a feeling of the 200-percent-ness of life 
that you just can’t contain.  So love is a gift that does not even ask for 
recognition.

The secret here is to realize that in this exercise of your generosity of 
spirit, this alone is strengthening.  This outpouring of generous love is 
strengthening in and of itself.  It asks of you, or even demands of you--in 
terms of growth--to sustain it—you find the true source as to where this 
love is generated.

And it is not without. You can think of many sources--Divine sources--of 
this love that surrounds you, and yet They are right within you in terms of 
your own personal tapping into these sources--into Them.  This is from the 
inside-out.  And so to love in this way demands that you tune in all of Us, 
and really experience how bottomless this well is.  And I think you also 
find, though again it may seem like a paradox, or even a contradiction, that 
when you love in this way, you get the greatest response, for there is 
within this other person the possibility of recognizing that this love they 
are receiving from you is not possessive.  It’s not conditional.  It’s not 
trying to bend them or shape them one way or another.

Just ask yourself, would you not respond yourself to this kind of love?  
This way you are doing your best to approach the Divine love--the Father who 
loves you so much that He created you with autonomy, even the freedom to 
deny Him.

This is quite a challenge, I agree, but it’s the ultimate triumph of love.  
And it is truly what connects.  This is the connection.  This is what is 
holding everything together.

Student:  And when I feel this missing or lacking now, it is that connection 
in the sense of expressing it outwardly, or connecting 
inwardly-to-outwardly, to….be creative with it.

NEBADONIA:  Here, My son, I call your attention to what you started with 
this evening, a deep wisdom that suggests you do this from peacefulness, and 
a stillness.

Student:  I do see the wisdom of that, and I feel like, as I said earlier, I 
desire to be more quiet, and more silent, and have less verbalization.  And 
that’s how I was yesterday with people.  I just didn’t want to speak.  I 
just wanted to be there, and to come from that place of love.  And it felt 
more authentic; it felt more real.  And then they’re allowed--themselves, to 
be real.

NEBADONIA:  Well, this is that spiritual outpouring of love that opens you 
to take them in, and see how this is appreciated, is it not?  Listening is 
one of the most wonderful gifts, really hearing and seeing someone else 
fresh each time.  All this takes enormous spirit, and strength, to let 
yourself subside and let them hold court for awhile, to be content and 
self-sufficient within yourself.  (long pause)  You see, I feel you trying 
it, even now.

STUDENT:  Yes, I prefer to be from this place.

NEBADONIA:  You know, My son, this is where it also takes faith.  As in 
practicing your stillness, you don’t get discouraged that your mind is not 
very quickly just totally awake and calm.  If you have faith, and you 
persist, it is like stillness.  The kind of love you are seeking cannot be 
directly manifested, but with faith and perseverance and trust, it just 
slowly grows.

Student:  But sometimes it feels so…so much like work, so much hard work to 
keep everything all balanced, and that equilibrium that You mentioned.  It 
just seems such… (laughs) so tiresome sometimes.  It would be nice just to 
experience that equanimity that I have read about from so many masters, to 
really taste and be nourished by life, as it was meant to be experienced.

It’s scary at times, because it seems like I’m just stripping away more and 
more of who I thought I was.  It’s like when I mentioned, many months ago, 
“un-defining myself.”  These are times when my ego says, “What are you 
doing?” “Where are you going?”  But I know, like, (laughs) I have to keep 
going forward.

NEBADONIA:  Then you are knowing moments of really transcendent love, and 
calm, and joy.  It’s constantly remembering to let go, to relax, to let 
these forces that you cannot command have an opportunity to swell forth on 
their own.  That’s the real secret of the Masters.  This is why it requires 
faith, and the deep feeling that there is something there called “spirit,” 
that only asks for the chance to reveal itself.

When We suggest that you ask yourself, what does God want me to do, this is 
what you are doing.  You are opening yourself to your higher consciousness, 
and to the Father Fragment within you, and giving this part of you a chance 
to speak, to reassure you that it is there, and this is the source.  Then 
you let this flow through you, and out.  This is what others recognize as 
the real thing.
And, as you say, you are constantly letting go limited notions of who you 
are--which is just one definition of ego, the perception of yourself--and 
constantly discovering that you are always more than this mirror you are 
holding up in front of you.  It is just letting that “more” speak through 
you.

Rest now, My son, you are trying to pick yourself up by your bootstraps, a 
bit.  You’re trying to seize the paradox of letting go of yourself, and you 
have to realize the paradox has you.  It is a process of just letting go and 
letting God--as you know so well.  You just keep doing it.  Don’t think you 
will ever be finished.  If you were ever finished, you would cease to exist. 
  You’ve got a part to play in all of this.  So when you are 
woefully-soulfully tired, be still and give it all back to the One who got 
you into this situation to begin with.  (said with a chuckle)  And be in My 
Love!

NEBADONIA:  Well, its been a fulfilling Halloween after all, though we don’t 
seem to have been hit upon by any ghosts and goblins this evening.  I didn’t 
hear any knock at the door.

But I think you are experiencing now what all those saints who’ve gone 
before you experienced.  This is what it is to be on a spiritual path, is to 
be deeply curious, and interested in all these peculiar, paradoxical, often 
conflicting elements that go to make you up.

(The growing soul of God, and your own)

This is where you need the confidence that there is a record being created 
of this spiritual experience.  It is good when your personality can perceive 
and appreciate the very soul of it all.  Something is growing here, My 
children--something enormous!  And you are part of it.  It is yet another 
connection, an ultimate love that gives you these lives, and then preserves 
them for you.  We humbly thank our Father for His gifts, in the perception 
of their awesome enormity.  Amen and good evening!   Be in My Love.


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