[tmtranscripts] Counsel on Today's Youth (9-24-96.BUT)

[Gerdean]

DATE: September 24, 1996
LOCATION: Butler, PA, USA
T/R: Gerdean

TEACHER SESSION
Counsel on Today's Youth

TOMAS: Good evening, my friends. I am Tomas. How are you this evening?

Leah: Good. Welcome. 

Ruth: Fine. How are you?

TOMAS: I am well, as are my associates who join me in your sleepy nest this evening. It is apparent that your comfortable realm has been providing you with certain satisfactions, not the least of which is a replete repast. I am very much aware of this, not because I came to dinner, but because your energies are more guttural than cerebral this evening. I have observed in your discourses prior to inviting me to join you that your focus was on your physical realms, your physical health and ills, including some emotional behavioral dysfunction which are also resultant from your mechanical mechanisms, your material aspects.

There are those who feel that the Teachers are singularly focused on your spiritual well-being and this cannot be denied; however, as you are edified in the ways of your material life, your minds, hearts, souls and spirits are then released to revel in the more elevated planes of Reality wherein we have a broader range of circumference in which to operate. That is not to say that we do not take an interest in your human life, in your human condition, for this is the soil in which you grow and we are interested also in fertilizing your soil, in hoeing the area in which you grow, that your roots might take nourishment in your earthly soil, in your material existence, as well as in the work of the spirit.

So do not be alarmed, my friends, and feel that I have caught you talking about things outside of our curriculum, for that is not so. Having now discussed with you that we are aware of whence you come, how would you like to proceed this evening, my friends? Are there questions or are there matters in your deep mind or even your subconscious mind that you would like to present for clarification, edification, and discussion this evening?

Ruth: Well, Tomas. If I was insecure and felt threatened, I'd be very concerned about what we laughed about and talked about at dinnertime and after. We're all friends. You sound like you were a farmer or a worker of the soil at one time. We should all be very comfortable with each other and we hope you enjoyed our dinner conversation. It was very educational to some of us. I'm rattling on and they're laughing at me, but that's okay. I don't mind.

What I would like to ask you is Tomas, I'm having a problem with my niece and I would like some help dealing with her and some of my clientele. And I feel a lot of times that a lot of the things that people ask professionally, I do have adult guidance, but my problem with my niece, I don't feel I have guidance, or maybe my feelings are clouding my judgment, so I'd like guidance. Could you help me?

TOMAS: I will attempt to help you in this situation by helping you to clarify some of your own conflict in it. I heard you say you were having a problem with your niece and that, in itself, is perhaps not quite correct. You perceive that your niece is in trouble or operating in a mode that you feel is detrimental to her well being. You are manifesting your own value system onto her which is a function of a tribal unit, and so within the tribal frame-work you are operating correctly, but part of the difficulty is that your niece is not content to subscribe to the limitations of her tribal environment. In her seeking to break away from the status quo, which is a way for her to discover her true identity, her own reality, she is gravitating toward other types who are also "rebelling" against the norm.

I understand your concern. I will state that beside having a heart-felt sharing relationship with your niece, there is little else that you can do or that you should do, for if you apply overmuch social/tribal pressure, it will only exacerbate her urge to revolt.

The problem of youth growing up in your sundry societies here on Urantia is a difficult job at best. It is often the case that individuals readily accept their inheritance, and yet in fairness to the concept of evolution, there are always those who will strike out against the status quo in search of the unknown. It is probably more disconcerting for the more traditional and conservative among you to observe this kind of stretching one's boundaries, spreading one's wings, than it is of the adventurous youth who finds life available for the investigating, is there for the taking, the challenges presented; and in this mental frame of mind, coupled with the youthful fantasy that life never ends, they will never be ill, etc., and in company with other adventurous young people, they are in not bad company in the main.

It is not uncommon for the youth of the day to attempt to strike out in a new direction, particularly when they are indwelt by a creative Thought Adjuster, which your niece has, and also when she has been so well founded in her fundamental reality, her basic personality, that she feels strengthened, now, to branch out somewhat into her aspiring young adulthood.

Have faith in the girl. It is not uncommon, too, that those young people who are attempting to find their own way, their own identity, their own philosophy, their own theology, etc., apart from the family influence, assume behaviors, music, costuming, mannerisms, rituals and so forth which give viability, credibility to their own camaraderie. Whereas this might look frightening and threatening to a traditional nuclear family, it is invigorating and solidifying to the new youth culture.

It is, of course, a concern when young people begin to set out and find they cannot communicate with their home base, their family of origin. The family of origin is secure in itself and fears the fledgling that flees the nest, or flees its values and conventions. If this child has been fostered in the love of a home, those values are inherent and there is little to fear. Truly, life is an adventure.

I do not feel that I have assuaged all of your anxiety. Have we helped at all in this presentation?

Ruth: Yes, you've helped greatly, but I know she's getting into . . . she's doing some drugs, and I very strongly disapprove of that, and I disapprove of her irresponsible actions. She was not raised that way and she's causing a great deal of hurt to her parents and everyone who loves her. I don't try to stop her striking out and her wanting freedom, but there are some things ... she is driving everybody to a point of frustration and sheer worry with ... some of the kids she hangs around with are in a great deal of trouble, where her girlfriend lives there's shootings, and it's just -- she does not come home when she's supposed to, she's cutting school.

It's a multitude of things, and she and I don't communicate very well. We're at loggerheads. And my sister tells me that we are so much alike, and that at the age that she is, that I was similar. I may have been similar, but I did not do these things. It's very hard for me to try to talk to her, to explain to her why, you know, why my anxiety is so great and my frustration.

She knows everything. Of course all teenagers know everything. I realize I ... but it's just ...It helped, but I just need ... I don't know what I need to do with her.

TOMAS: The thing you need to do is not with her but with yourself. You have admitted that your own anxieties and fears have blossomed and become manifest to the point where they have alienated you from her. Is it any wonder that she distrusts you, for you are trying to impress upon her your anxieties and fears. How can anyone be endeared to someone impressing them with their own fears and anxieties? Even when they are directed in love, it is a negative approach. This is particularly true of a sensitive youth that is in search of a new set of values.

The more you try to prevail with her, based upon fears and anxieties, the more you will alienate her affections, and so I say it is your problem. In order for you to maintain your friendship with her and hers with you, even through her many life's experiences, your job is to love the girl in spite of your own fears and anxieties, it is to have faith in her, in her own perception of her path. It is a way you might have taken when you were faced with the same choice in your earlier youth, but you chose your path, one that is in keeping with your cultural conditioning. Hers may come around to that, but she has her own path to follow and her own "cross to bear."

Rather than allow your fears or your familial fears to oppress her, enthuse with her over the value that she is searching for. You say that she inhabits or frequents an area where there are shootings. It does not mean that she is shooting people or that she is getting shot. It means that she feels camaraderie with her brothers and sisters. She is an empathetic, sympathetic, compassionate trooper for human rights and human value. It may be out of the norm for you and your family but it is not out of the norm for one who is willing to lay down their life for a friend. Applaud her ideals. Pray that she is guided in her decisions and rewarded in her fellowshipping.

Also in reference to the use of drugs, it is a truth that every facet of your society is well infiltrated with drugs. Your pharmaceutical companies are guilty of the same tactics as the common street pusher in many ways. It is a struggle for even intelligent, educated, cultured and "straight" individuals to know when they are stepping over the line of medical necessity into drug dependency, and often they do this with sophisticated, adult rationalization and peer support. How different is that from the experimentation of youth? Far better for you to be aware of the various kinds of drugs available to youth and encourage the avoidance of those which are specifically dangerous and harmful.

Remember that chemicals and herbs can be bad or good and much depends upon the motivation for the usage. I am borrowing on a vast file of information that is available to me by way of Gerdean's actual experience. I am glad for her many experiences for it gives me a large scope of data to draw from, but I would caution you all that the ideal and preferred method is to forego any substance that will interfere with or alter or even augment the natural development of the soul. It is a relatively fruitless attempt on my part, for even your common cup of coffee and soft drink contains materials that will alter your consciousness, your electro-chemical system. I deal with a society that is almost exclusively involved in drug use, and I am speaking to you here as well.

Illicit or legal or otherwise, the human being has been dabbling with these things since before he was even indwelt by God. As it is referenced in your text, man has always dabbled in the use of drugs and today is no exception. Incredibly, however, much good has been known to come from drugs and so I cannot denounce a culture or a pocket of people, nor can I denounce the entire race. I would only ask that you drop your prejudices regarding who uses drugs and for what reason, for everyone does, almost without exception. It is part of your cultural history as a race of evolving beings. [Ed: i.e., p. 776] Has this been edifying or helpful?

Ruth: Yes. Thank you very much.

TOMAS: I will further say to you that your affection for your niece is apparent and real. It is also true that your loyalties to your family values are in earnest. It is not an easy job being a peacemaker, but it is a role that becomes you, and perhaps that will be your assignment in this situation.

Ruth: That's a pretty big assignment.

TOMAS: Indeed, you have a big job. Any individual who is dealing with other individuals of varying values and practices, who tries to bridge differences, who tries to instill love and understanding and patience in one another, has a big job indeed. Be assured that you are not alone in your work. We are legion. It is for Michael that these concerns are seen, heard, grappled with and undertaken; it is for the spiritual growth of the individual and of the race.

Someone once said, "Oh, well, I wasn't doing anything else anyway." 

Ruth: Thank you very much, Tomas.

TOMAS: Thank you, daughter, for allowing me to talk with you and share with you your heartfelt concerns. You are loved. [Telephone call; intermission]

Well, my pumpkins, what have you to offer each other this evening? (Group response to the nickname) "Pumpkins" is a word which I have picked out of the hat to address you, as I was assigned the delightful chore of finding new pet names for you and I find that a pumpkin is a robust and radiantly-colored fruit of the vine which is full of seeds to be planted, and so I know you are my pumpkins, indeed. How grow you in your patch?

Student: We all grow fat in the fields. (Group laughter)

TOMAS: The field is there for your fattening, but if your purpose is to remain a vegetable, my son, you may well end up being a pie. (Group laughter, followed by long silence) That was not a threat.

TOMAS: Leah, what are you musing?

Leah: Well, I was listening to what you were telling Ruth, and I was feeling some of the same type of feelings she expressed toward a young man I know, and I get totally frustrated by some of the experience of some of his behaviors, and I was listening to what you said and I am aware that it's my problem, but I just wonder about some restraints. It feels like, with this young man, the tail is wagging the dog in the home environment that he's in. I find it irritating, and I would like to be more patient and kind.

Student: For the record, he's not doing drugs or going places where people are being shot.

Ruth: Thank God.

Leah: No. I mean, I know. I'm just referring to behavioral things and certainly I have my problem with behaviors, and I find myself still terribly reactive rather than responsive.

TOMAS: I am glad to see you reflecting deeply on the words we shared earlier, and indeed your mental activity is well-focused, for your own personal situation gives rise to many of those same anxieties and frustrations as are being experienced in other situations, and indeed the greater part of the burden is on your own shoulders for alleviating much of the stress of the situation.

I would suggest to you that in your many considerations, that you consider the flailing of youth much like you would consider a radio station turned up loud and not set squarely on the channel. Train yourself to not hear much of what is going on, for it is senseless to invest logical emotional energy in the passing fancy of a youth who is attempting to find his identity. If he is going to try out every facet of his exploration on you, it will wear you into the ground if you expect yourself to have to respond to his explorations with a reality viewpoint.

Rather, attend to your reality viewpoint, and in your own true response to your own path, when his explorations into reality happen to harmonize with yours, you will both be on more solid footing to recognize the instant as a true moment in time. Do not then expect that that moment in time will be fixed and lasting, for the exploration for identity goes on and on into eternity. 

It is just this particular juncture in the young man's age and in this time that has you rattled. Don't allow the inmate to run the institution. Otherwise, you will be locking yourself up and serving no one any purpose for good. Find your own Core of reality, seek it out, embrace it, and hold fast to it. Develop that good habit of attaining serenity in your own waves of this youth's adventurous sailing over the waves of life. Otherwise, he will merely play you and wear you out and it will be something that you have allowed. 

Do I make any sense to you, Leah?

Leah: Somewhat. I feel I need to be more patient with him, but I feel like my patience just runs out too quick.

TOMAS: It is perhaps because you are taking him too seriously, and that might be a reflection on you taking yourself too seriously. Take yourself seriously in the ways that I outlined for you. It is not necessary to have such tremendous patience when you're not so affected by his behavior. If patience is the earmark of the situation, then accept that things will not settle down for perhaps ten years and adopt within yourself a patient forbearance.

It seems to me a waste of time to set aside your life for 10 years, which is why I suggest to you that you follow your own path and allow this kid to grow in his own space. He is a fine young man. He is intelligent and sensitive. He is testing his boundaries and if you are wide open, he will bounce all through you. If he cannot penetrate your wall because you are in the citadel of the spirit, he will leave you alone. He will even come to respect you.

Leah: That would be something. Every once in a while I listen --I coin the phrase "SYB" (Save Your Breath), but ...

TOMAS: Have you forgotten your own youth?

Leah: No, I haven't. I was something. I was quite rebellious. But I think I was rebellious in a different way. I just did weird things.

TOMAS: And his behavior is not?

Leah: Well, this feels more disrespectful, and if you asked me to pick up my clothes or if you asked me not jump down the stairs or anything of that nature, ... "The hell with you, no way, I'm not going to do it your way, I'm going to continue to do it. I'm going to continue to do what you ask me not to do, and I don't want to have any respect for you. And you asked me to be honest and I don't have any respect for you."

TOMAS: I will bring this around to you, Leah, and ask you a very raw question, and that is, how much respect do you have for yourself? For no one can respect you any more than you respect yourself. It begins with you. If he has advised you in some crude way that there is nothing there to respect, you may be smarting from your own lack of boundary. You are in many ways, you and he, alike. You are both children. The major difference, besides your ages, is territorial, and under the circumstances, he sees you as yet another immature personality attempting to be a householder in a situation that belies your role.

It is necessary for you to develop that respect within yourself that supercedes your societal role and that allows you to be a child but with adult dignity. This will be something you can carry with you in and out of your home environment, in and out of Pennsylvania. It is something you will carry within you -- your own estate, your own strengths, that which is respectable. This is the true reality issue. 

Do not lean upon the false props of materialism, but lean to the Father for the one reality that you can bow before and in that state you will find your greatest strength. It is real, Leah, more real than all these fleeting, passing temporal things. It is something that the young man can and will respect, for it is of the Father, indeed, of his own Father in heaven. 

Remember when Jesus banished the child of Satan indwelling the boy who was also epileptic? The wicked spirit left promptly upon hearing the authority of Jesus. His own father could have talked to him until he was blue in the face, but without the authority of divinity, there is no true respect. When you align yourself with divinity and begin to find your strength and reality therein, it will reflect off of you, radiate from you, and although you may still find peculiar difficulties with the lad, they will not be as overwhelming and as debilitating as you now see them.

Remember to focus on true reality. He is not the true reality; he is a young boy seeking reality on many confusing levels at once. If you could but have some compassion for the confusion that he surely has in his own development, you would automatically find patience, but again, I prevail upon you to look to the Father for the answer. He will also enable you to act in ways which will endear the lad to you, that will enable the natural affection he has for you to flourish, that will allow you to not have to be a drill sergeant, that will enable you to share your own childlike nature on occasion with him without retrogressing into chaos.

Leah: Thank you very much. Those words I spoke about his not respecting, they weren't spoken to me but I still felt that way.

TOMAS: I understand you said that for the record, but I understood you at once.

Leah: Well, sometimes when I'm sitting here and I hear all these things, they go on in my mind. When you were talking to Ruth, I heard you saying about things like "impressing your value system on a person creates an alienation of affection." While I was listening to everything you said, and I'm sure the answer is right there in what you said, my reaction when she was speaking of this individual was, "Well, what do you do with a teenager? Do you give them free will? Or..." Because I did understand what you were saying about this young lady, who I don't know at all, that she was empathetic and compassionate. I listened to Ruth talk about the family and, I don't know, I guess I was brought up under rather tight conditioning. Boy, every time I even thought about sassing back, I got my come-uppance, so I'm just listening to these situations here, and while I'm listening and speaking out, I'm hearing, "Just worry about your own situations; don't worry about.." you know. But I still wonder, though. Like I know it talks about, in the Book, the wise father chastises the son, but how does He chastise him? or a mother chastise the daughter? I mean ... We're talking about boundaries, too, and I don't even know where my own boundaries are!

TOMAS: Let me interrupt you for a moment to respond. In all cases, you understand that the basic personality characteristics are established in the first few years of life, in the first 6 or 8 years. When the parent has full authority is when those patterns are established. When the child is dependant on the parent and the parent is responsive to the needs of the child, not only their physical needs, but when they go through their developmental stages, one of which is asking a million questions, the adult is there to help the mind of the child in its formulation.

In the child's observation of the parent and parents in their interactions with one another and with their society, he learns values that will be part of him for eternity. When you come into knowledge of a life after those impressions have been made, there is little authority allowed. Your authority over yourself is recognized; the authority of the Father overall is idealized; but once those years have passed, the child is pretty much on his own in so far as his development or her development is concerned.

You have read "The Prophet" wherein he [Ed: Kahlil Gibran] states that "your children are not your children." Indeed, once you have done your best for them in molding their characters as youngsters, they are on their way to establishing their own beliefs, their own patterns, their own friends, their own values and so forth. There is a tremendous testing ground of opportunity and soul searching for all young; the more adventurous have the adventures that will cause anxiety and even heartbreak for their parents, but if they have been set out on their journey with "good stuff," that good stuff will remain with them throughout their eternal career.

Leah: Well, I just want to say, one time I was saying something about the Father in heaven, and this kid looked at me and said, "There can't really be a God the Father in Heaven or my life wouldn't have turned out like this." I just didn't know what to say to him. You know, I just didn't know what to say.

TOMAS: I appreciate his challenge to you and that you still retain that challenge in your heart, for it is a question that was asked of you that you have not yet answered. And perhaps you will again have the opportunity to share with him that facet of your reality, which he has sought by this question and which you will answer by the nature of your holding it in your heart for him.

Seek counsel from your Father in heaven to feed this young man the reality which he seeks and which will marry your souls for eternity as brother and sister in the spirit. It is not to say that your answer will make or break him, but it will help to bridge the gap that lies between you.

Leah: Thank you.

TOMAS: It is like meat and potatoes for me here this evening, to partake of this meal with you. It is not frosting on the cake, it is not French gravy, but true substance in the affairs of life, true understanding and devotion of your younger siblings, of your own nature in terms of how to be an effective proselytizer of truth, beauty and goodness. I commend your perseverance and your faith in me that you would share these thoughtful concerns with me. How I appreciate you for your genuineness.

You see how I love you and have faith in you. It is this attitude, when presented to your younger brothers and sisters, those less experienced than you, that carries the tide of truth out and through reality into eternity. You are learning to be spiritually parental. You are learning to be like the Father. You are learning to be God-like in your own lives, fostering your own eternal destiny.

In all things inquire of Him, "What is Your will? Your will be done. Not my will, not my family's will, not my spouse's will, not my cultural will, not any will but Your will be done." This is the Way.

I will leave you now to your own dessert, and I encourage you to drink deep the Living Water for the purity and sweetness of its taste and its refreshing power. Until we meet again, my pumpkins, I embrace 
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